I am a mum who wears stilettos. Wearing them helps me remember my individuality - my dreams and aspirations - apart from being a wife and mother. Therefore, to suggest that only slow-footed women with trivial agendas wear stilettos is a sexist assumption likened to the distorted notion that older mothers cannot rise to the demands of their former PME jobs when they return to work.
Many of us, sure-footed as we approach the job market with
resumes conscientiously preened and primed to reflect professionalism,
effectiveness and readiness, are disheartened to find that what trip us up on our return are outdated mindsets
and practices. We walk on grounds that are rigged and infested with
hirers’ prejudice, fear and short-sightedness.
I will tackle each erroneous perception with what I have observed to be contributing factors.
Prejudiced Perception
It’s not surprising that ageism is a learnt attitude. In the
family, we watch how grandparents and older relatives go about life in their later years, and we are influenced by
their concept of ageing. Even in her
eighties, my maternal grandmother continued her extended travels to China and
Canada to meet friends and family. Speaking only Cantonese, she had a knack for getting around and getting help. She was not someone I had
ever considered over her prime for she
had lost none of her mental acumen for decision-making and astuteness in money
matters. She lost some friends over mahjong but was quick to recoup with new ones. Health foods
groups unscrupulously held her up as their ambassador to sell their products.
Naturally, my grandmother is the standard for how I want to grow
old. But later, I found that she was a rare breed. There are many able-bodied
seniors, only in their seventies, who are totally dependent on their adult
children to get about and to make decisions. They seem to simply exist with no
joy of life or purpose. A decade ago, I had spent time with able-minded and able-bodies
seniors in their sixties at a senior activity centre who told me they were
waiting to die. To me, it seems to me that dependency and despondency in the elderly
could be learned mindsets rather than effects of ageing.
This sets me thinking
about our perception of ageing: what do news and images around tell us? There
seems to be no shortage of uplifting stories about Singaporeans in their
twenties and thirties in every arena of life – business, sports, community,
education. In comparison, stories where older Singaporeans are mentioned
include reports of nursing homes (abuse and new developments), healthcare and
community facilities for the elderly, the plight of low-wage older workers, and
parents fighting over inheritance and properties with their adult children.
Have we drawn up the determinants for prime of life too
thinly and planned economic obsolescence too soon for those of us in our
forties and beyond?
It’s hard to miss the gap: you’re either young with a full
head of hair and ideas to contribute to society, or past your prime with a tuft
as grey as your relevance. The transition from robust economic participation of
the under-40s to their run-out dates – which seem to be getting closer to the
mid-40s - is abrupt and distinct. Images of youthful productivity switch to
images of seniors whose only interest is to find leisure activities like
exercising outdoors.
If there is an in-between group consisting of stay-at-home
mothers like me who have no plans for a life of dotage now or in our autumn
years, we are under-represented in mainstream media. Without suitable prominence,
how could we influence employers’ mindsets? Should a returning PME cheer when
offered a lower job that discounts the resume of paid and pro bono productive work because it happened some time ago? Are we
just a group of job seekers pit against younger and cheaper foreign talent who
are paid salaries we got early on in our career? Is there no value to our broader
and deeper insights that bring about enhanced outcomes? Is there no value for
our ability to coach impetuous and impatient colleagues to see the forest and
the trees?
In 2009, 3000 baby boomers (aged 48-65)1 surveyed by MCYS revealed that over
36% valued the need to work as much as they do family time and time for self. Those with tertiary education [diploma and
degree holders] ‘desire to be more
successful and accomplished in their retirement years as
compared to baby-boomers with no or lower educational qualifications’.
But is this going to happen when hirers are biased in
their selection?
Fear-driven Perception
In medical terms, Gerascophobia2 is the name for a fear of growing old. An online medical
dictionary describes it as ‘an abnormal
and persistent fear of growing old. Sufferers of this fear experience undue
anxiety about aging even though they may be in good health - physically,
economically and otherwise. They may worry about the loss of their looks, the
loss of independence, inactivity after retirement, impaired mobility, the onset
of disease, and confinement in a nursing home.’
The proliferation of youthful themes and our pre-occupation
with pre-retirement career goals only generate resentment and disdain towards
growing old and the implicit path downhill. Does anyone want to rush into decades
of only hedonistic pursuits with no fulfilling outputs? Such a nugatory assumption of
ageing only triggers voluntary early retirement and perpetuates ageist employment
conditions and practices. In reality, with
the high costs of living today, few would be able to afford a life of supine
existence.
I suspect there are as many mums who want to return to the workforce after their children are grown as there are younger ones who are thinking of taking time off to stay home with their young charges. As mothers, we want to enjoy spending time with our children as much as we do having them because they are valuable and loved. To do so, we need the recognition and support of hirers and employers for successful transitions from the workplace to home and back to the workplace. Such validation goes a long way to help women have more children to meet the replacement rate of a population with a growing number of unmarried adults and ageing citizens.
I suspect there are as many mums who want to return to the workforce after their children are grown as there are younger ones who are thinking of taking time off to stay home with their young charges. As mothers, we want to enjoy spending time with our children as much as we do having them because they are valuable and loved. To do so, we need the recognition and support of hirers and employers for successful transitions from the workplace to home and back to the workplace. Such validation goes a long way to help women have more children to meet the replacement rate of a population with a growing number of unmarried adults and ageing citizens.
Not everyone needs to
stand on heights or heels to see the remote forest behind the trees. But when
businesses are squeezed by high running costs and staff turnover, employers can
become short on vision. They tackle the woes of rising costs with a fixation to
bring down running costs instead of developing viable plans to improve their
deliverables. In this short-sighted schema, employers choose to cut jobs and
lower salaries to improve profitability rather than to hire the right people to
boost productivity and sales.
I am reminded of the alienation and
marginalization I feared when I first decided to leave fulltime work. To
employers who favour a resume of continuous employment, a woman’s decision to
stay home with the children is still seen as an impediment for her return to
work. It is a perception that generally equates continuous employment and youth
with productivity. Unemployed and no longer younger, you’re out of the game.
In truth, mature PMS who transit from home to the workplace form a valuable pool of human resource to complement younger mothers who now have to juggle raising a family and building their careers. We do not need to take maternity or childcare leave as we are now free of childbearing and childcare issues to focus on rebuilding our careers which had been sacrificed for family. Our successful transition will be an enormous encouragement to younger mothers.I
In truth, mature PMS who transit from home to the workplace form a valuable pool of human resource to complement younger mothers who now have to juggle raising a family and building their careers. We do not need to take maternity or childcare leave as we are now free of childbearing and childcare issues to focus on rebuilding our careers which had been sacrificed for family. Our successful transition will be an enormous encouragement to younger mothers.I
When all is said and done, I’m an optimist with a tall order: I believe I can have it all - family and self-realization. In time,
the game plan will need to change as more pro-family policies and practices are
put in place in the days ahead. PMEs need not regret their decision to stay
home for the children. Our sacrifice teach the children the virtues of compassion and self-sacrifice against a culture of getting ahead as the be-all and end-all of life. These are qualities that makes our children more humane, and they go a long way to make them Singaporeans who build their nation with a heart...and not just the head!
To commend myself for sacrifices well-given, I've just got myself another 4-1/2 inch heels! As expected, I fit the demands of its design to a T! And of course, they are hardly made for walking.
To commend myself for sacrifices well-given, I've just got myself another 4-1/2 inch heels! As expected, I fit the demands of its design to a T! And of course, they are hardly made for walking.
1 - MCYS (2009) The Baby Boomers Survey
2 - WebMD (2012)