Increasingly, my stay-home days as a caregiver are becoming more a default
than a necessity as adolescence and independence gain ground in my daughters’
lives. What I'm surprised is that caring
for others has become, to me, not so much a role driven by family needs, but the capacity for compassion towards others.
There are plenty of opportunities in Singapore to touch the lives of disadvantaged groups. Though we're unlikely to find people living in severe
conditions of poverty, or rebuilding their lives from natural disasters, our benevolence is not less important for those facing less extreme conditions. Human compassion is benevolence wherever it's shown. Think of a young expat mum struggling with a small toddler and a newborn baby without family support here. Her situation is nowhere as heart-rending as a low-income family struggling to put food on the table and the kids in school. Even so, the act of popping in to visit the expat friend, with treats for her young family, at their condominium isn’t less noble than
delivering a meal to a needy family crammed into a rental flat. While the one living in the condo is not likely
to be found in the social service system, without family support
here, she needs the support of a social network to check in on her well-being. On the
other hand, one would probably learn about the family in need of meal deliveries
through a helping organization. In each
case, a different need is met through a different role – one as a friend, and
the other, as a volunteer. But in both cases, benevolence comes into play.
Being charitable is really not so much a response to someone’s
lack but a human desire to care for another person. If the lack of the needy in society could independently
trigger an outpouring of charitable giving, there would be very little need for
helping organizations to raise funds or recruit volunteers. I made this observation through the expressions
of kindness from some people who are themselves living in unpredictable
conditions. Rather than operating from
the standpoint that they should be recipients of charity and not givers – with sound
justifications – their charitableness and generosity is the measure they step
out of their circumstances to make a little difference to another life.
It follows
then that benevolence is not so much a statement that one has arrived at a
permanently stable and desirable station in life but rather a behaviour cultivated
by habit, not luxury. The giver, benefactor, or donor identifies with
the receiver, beneficiary or donee in terms of humanity, and voluntarily
reaches out with only the imperative of conviction not rewards. For me, it has involved a change from rationalizing that people got what they deserved in a free, meritocratic system to seeing
that society is not perfect and many of us fall prey to its less desirable influences while seeking to survive. We all have the same goal to live well - just differently.
For this alone,
my time at home with the girls has been worth all the career and financial sacrifices,
if it means I have also taught them to be a little more humane by being so
myself.